Wednesday, October 31, 2007
* Homoerotic Hallowe'en *
Eep. Okay, so as we all know most of these are backdated. I'm not going to lie... pretty much all of them are. But here we are at hallowe'en.
And what a hallowe'en it was.
Okay, so the day started with Mike picking Toni and I up in his mega hot car. Well it really started with Toni and I doing our make up together in the bathroom and dancing about while pilfering food. Mmm rolls.
Mike dropped us off at temple square and we found some sister missionaries to show us some awesome stuff. Which they did. Sister Udu and sister Platt. Sister Platt knew Pauline.
Anyway... they showed us the meeting house... somewhere i'd never been before. Then we took pictures of the temple and of other stuff surrounding. We were taking pictures of Joseph and Emma outside the church offices.
Toni told me that Mike had told her that if we went in and asked to go to the top and then explained we were from Scotland and asked if there was 'anybody' in that we might get to meet general authorities.
So, after hijacking a flower float we went inside and I said 'we want to go to the top' It was a defining moment in my life. So there we were... two tour guides and me and Toni in an elevator on our way to the top. I'd never gotten to the top so fast. Woop.
So, they showed us the views and other such points from the top which was pretty ace. i could see where my apartment kind of was and we could see the U and the University stadium and the tour guides - which had increased to three because our accents just attract people - pointed out brigham young's grave and also the 'this is the place' monument.
Crazy.
We went back downstairs after I hinted at seeing a general authority and getting no where, and the tour guides showed us a large painting with Jesus' foot that moves... then the lady who was new and dressed all in pink took toni and i outside to the fountain, which she explained represented faith. She took our picture with it. She was lovely. She then helped us locate a place that would sell hallowe'en things.
We then ate in the lion house... or maybe we did that before the church offices... I don't know. At some point we ate in the lion house. And we begged the lady to give us a stamp, and then we filled in the customer satisfaction leaflet. So funny.
We then boosted on the trax to a magical wonderful place to find hallowe'en stuff... to no avail. We then hit up the T-mobile store where I got a new US sim card for Toni and I to use while I waited for Annie's phone to arrive - I figured I could use the sim card in Annie's phone once it got there.
We found a UPS store in the same area and I went in to post my mum's birthday card. The man behind the desk after I asked him if I could send normal mail to the UK from there asked me 'how do you want to send it.' I looked at him, then thought about it, and I glanced and Toni and she said 'Don't you dare say it.' and I replied 'How did you know I was going to say 'by post'. Haha. Seriously though, what other answer did he want to 'how do you want to send it?' I would like it sent by plane, train, owl, actually no, hand delivered by you. Seriously. There are only so many normal answers to that question. By Post is the best one.
Then, after ordering Jamba juice, Mike picked us up and brought us to his house, where he told us he would 1. hook us up with a hallowe'en party and 2. give us a car so we could go and do whatever we wanted. Which was totally nice of him.
Little did we know that we would soon be on our way in the car he had been driving us about in. He sent us off with a GPS which would soon be named Delilah, a list of addresses, the phone number of someone called Brett and me in the driver seat.
All was going to plan until I tried to drive the car and couldn't get it from park to reverse. Luckily Martsy (Mike's wife) was on call to tell me to push the brake in as I moved the gear stick... are they still called gear sticks even although they aren't really gears?
Anyway... we were off looking for a hallowe'en store... me... sweating at the wheel... stressed beyond all reason... and in rush hour traffic... not just any traffic... rush hour UTAH traffic.
We missed an exit about a million times. I had no idea where we were... we were going South that's all I knew, and I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going... and we didn't really know how to use the GPS. I was terrified being on the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road, in THAT car. It was huge. It was beautiful... it became my baby. By the end I loved that car... but right now I was hating it. Antoinette kept talking about her bum prickling with heat and I was more concerned about trying to get off the freeway. I thought she was mental... it turns out the car has heated seats. Ha. She wasn't mental. Because my seat was fine we figured she was mental.
Mike had fired in some kind of co-ordinates to the GPS which brought us to the parking lot of a gym. We laughed about that for a long time. Was he hinting at something? We used their restroom and asked them for directions while many people sweated in the background.
We finally found our way to a costume place which resulted in the purchase of some moustaches and furry pink hats.
We, somehow, got back to Maggie and Dave's gaff where the quick transformation of Vikki and Toni occured. Into... dun dun dun... Evil Siamese Doll Twins with Guns and Mousers... Heck yeah.
We were on the road again... and on our way to somewhere called the sky box or was that the sky bar... no one knew.. not even us. We had two different addresses and only one marcus who rescued us from the parking lot of a hotel. We followed him to where we were meant to be parked and went for it. We were accompanied, on our walk, by a drunken old man who was telling us that he wasn't dressing up for hallowe'en. We got on to that conversation when I started to entertain his ramblings by asking him why he wasn't dressed up. Oh me.
The character of Brett that Mike had been phoning all day and who had entrusted the responsibility of finding us a party, kept calling the new utah number, which, because it was my phone, would just cut out, or I would make toni answer it. We met him eventually under the details of 'I'm wearing leopard print tights'... attractive. Toni, Marcus and I were just generally bewildered by the whole set up. This was a church run party (organised by the frat and sorority lds chapters) that was full to the brim of people. I couldn't believe it or understand it. The music was totally RnB and Rap nonsense.... how stereotypical and it honestly felt like we had been dropped in to some skeazy sleazy teen movie, with people bumping and grinding all over the place. To make things worse, however, being a church party and all, most of the 'rubbing up against each other dancing nonsense' was same gender orientated. It was, I swear the most homoerotic hallowe'en I might have ever witnessed.
It was almost like a music video or something, with less class and little more clothing... just a little though. Brett kept appearing and disappearing before he left with his friends. We were just left, with the demand of 'Let me see your tootsie roll' What kind of song is that? What does it even mean?
When we decided to leave, after I bumped in to my friend Jake, we were messing about on the top of the gateway centre. Marcus decided to see how many cartwheels he could do in a row. Unfortunately he made about 1.5 until he cartwheeled into a wall. Oh my gosh. eep. ouch.
We then boosted on up to Dee's to eat their infamous cheese fries. Although, because we were both still jet legged, Toni and I wolfed massive breakfasts. Oh yes... so hungry. Then Farris called us telling us he was in a police car pulling someone over. That was the last we heard of Farris in Utah.
Our waiter in Dee's was dressed like a dog, but he looked like he had a black eye and was just kind of strange mannered and creepy. There was a fat girl in the corner with some ugly tattoos that Marcus told us he'd gone to school with. They left moments before we did and they were still outside when we walked past them.
Marcus and the girl exchanged a few words during which we decided she was being a bitch and we proceeded to talk about her in the car. Marcus had left the parking lot by this time. We pulled out and continued to talk about her, and three blocks down the street I realised what mistake I was making and pulled over 6 lanes in to the far right hand side of the road.
I had been driving for three blocks on the wrong side of the road. That could have been disasterous. Luckily it wasn't. Thank goodness... seriously.
So we made it back to Taylorsville to end the evening of ugly baggy pink dresses and crazy dancing.
posted by: Vikki Miller @ 10:49 PM
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